However, I found myself just wanting to curl up and stay in stage 4 for a few weeks.

I looked into his eyes, and my heart smiled.

He needs me.
My husband needs me.

They need me to be there for them 100%.

I am convinced the first time you hear your baby's heartbeat it is one of the best feelings in the world.

Aaron and I went in at 9 weeks to hear it for the first time.

We videoed it and I can't tell you how many times we have watched it.

It made my heart happy to hear it every day.

I told Aaron I wanted to document every little piece of this pregnancy, just like we did with Ryan.

 I went in for a normal check up appointment at 13 weeks.

Everything seemed completely normal,
until the doctor tried to find the baby's heartbeat.

It wasn't there.

She took me in for an emergency ultrasound and that's when I knew,
something wasn't right.

Our sweet child laid there, motionless.

My heart stopped.

It's a picture I wish I could just wash from my brain.
WHY!?  I couldn't understand.

My heart started to ache. Really bad.

After measuring the baby she predicted the heart beat hadn't been gone for longer than a few days.

That made it hurt even worse.

I felt myself not able to hold anything back anymore.

Tears started to flow.

My body started to shake.

For the past 3 months I had grown attached to this sweet child and it was gone.

There was nothing I could do to bring this sweet baby back.

There was nothing I could have done to prevent it from passing.

I felt so helpless.

It was like a nightmare that I just couldn't wake up from.

I kept closing my eyes thinking I would wake up from a really bad dream.

All I wanted was my sweet husband.

I just wanted to jump in his arms.

I just wanted to hold my sweet little boy.
I just wanted it to all go away.

She left the room and my shaking fingers attempted to call my husband.

That was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make.

I could barely get the words out, and

when he finally understood what I was trying to tell him,

Silence was on the other line.

I could hear him crying,
I could hear the hurt in his voice.

But he knew I needed him to be strong.

He knew I needed him to say it was going to be ok.

I wanted to crawl into a little ball and I wanted it to go away.
I wish no one knew we were pregnant, 

I didn't want to have to explain it to anyone.
It just hurt inside.

As soon as I got back to my car, I said a prayer through the tears.
I let everything out.
In that moment, I felt so much love, I felt God's warm embrace.
I felt comfort.

It was like someone whispered to me saying, "it's going to be ok".
That night Aaron and I held each other tight.
We held Ryan tight.
Life is so precious.

The hardest part was knowing the baby was still inside of me.
I could feel my little bump.
And it still felt so real.

Finally the surgery day came.
Once the surgery was over and they had removed the baby,
I felt like I could start to heal emotionally.

In the days since we have found out, and in the days to come, we have had to endure solely on faith.
Faith in God.
Faith that everything would be ok.

It is so comforting to know that everything happens according to God's plan.
Even though it hurts, trials in life are only to make us stronger.
There is a reason for everything.


One day it will all make sense. One day we will understand the "why".

As this is a very sensitive time for my little family, we feel so blessed to have so much love and support from family, friends and also from those we don't know as well.
 Each of you have been such a strength to us.
 We are so overwhelmed with love.
Thank you. Thank you.

xoxo

To announce that our family will be growing by 2 little feet!!!
Soon to be sharing the hugs, the loves, and the balloon,
Baby #2 is on its way!!

Instagram

Yes. It's so true. #2 is coming!!

Ryan is moving up to "BB" (big brother) status and he doesn't even know what is going to hit him!

Ha he is in for ONE big surprise!
The king will have to share his throne!

But we are seriously so excited I could cry all over again.

We found out I was pregnant around Christmas time when I was about 5 weeks along.
I was feeling a little off (nauseous while running, tired, etc.) and decided why not take a test?!
My cycle isn't always that regular so when I missed my period, I didn't think too much of it.
My husband ended up buying me 3 tests and I took all of them haha.

(can you ever just take one test and trust it? I'm in denial that's possible)

If you followed my first pregnancy, Yes, I was totally the one that said 

"Remind me to never be 9 months pregnant in Houston summer again",

Well... here I am. Ready to take the heat baby!

Due in August in the 210 degree humid summer.:)

 Talk about living by the pool.

Fun fact: I am due THE exact original day Ryan was due.

Seriously crazy and a little weird ha

Here's to hoping this babe doesn't come on Ryan's second birthday.
With our luck, it totally will, you just watch.

Onto the more sensitive side of pregnancy.

This pregnancy hit pretty hard and completely wiped me out of commission.

However, I am finally leaving the house a few times a week and starting to feel much much better.

I am 12 weeks, getting out of that nasty first trimester so we are happy campers over here!
The kitchen is finally my friend again and I have eaten cookies every night this week.
Awesome.
And for V-Day tonight my husband told me he would take me out wherever I wanted and buy the whole menu.
I think he is liking my appetite being back ha.

Ryan and I have mastered games and things to do in our bed, while "mommy lays down".

He has been such a little trooper and my husband has been the absolute best.

We told Ryan I was pregnant the day we found out. (like he's going to tell anyone ha)

But we have engrained it into his head so now he will point to my tummy and say "baybee", even if I don't quite have a bump yet haha it will pop sooner or later.

It's the cutest thing.

My husband is 100 percent convinced it's a girl. (maybe because he really wants a girl ha)
I thought Ryan was a girl, ha so I'm a terrible judge, I'm not convinced either way.
This pregnancy has been a lot harder than the last, as far as losing my food ha but who knows if that means anything.
Just a happy healthy baby and I'm good to go!
You know us though, we will find out the gender the second we can:)

I cannot wait to track my pregnancy, workouts, etc. and compare it all to the first.
We are so happy.
Baby #2 we can't wait to meet you!!!!
PS Thanks to everyone for being so excited for us. It makes me so happy. You guys are the sweetest, We seriously feel so blessed!


PSS Happy LOVE DAY!!!
I love today.
Just making Ryan's first Valentines to deliver to his friends. I'm dying!
xoxo

So I'm convinced Holidays are just a really good excuse to make treats.... Every day.

I love the smell of fresh baked cookies.

((Especially cake batter tasting ones))

I'll be honest, sometimes I make cookies just for the batter. 

But today I actually ate the finished product they were so good.

They took about 5 minutes to throw together and 8 minutes to cook in the oven.

It was scary how easy they were.

I had to justify having "dessert" on a Monday. 

(ha usually I am trying to recover from the weekend, and do "no dessert Monday".)

But Pinterest kills me. 

My mouth was salivating when I saw these and I just couldn't resist. 

My justification was substituting applesauce for oil!

Surprisingly they were totally moist and mouth watering.

(I have tried half oil and half applesauce in the past and that works out wonderfully!)

I originally found the recipe HERE but kinda switched a couple things.

1 Box Strawberry Cake Mix

1 Teaspoon Baking Powder

 2 Eggs

1/3 cup Vegetable oil *(I used applesauce)

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 and 1/4 cup chocolate chips *(I used white chocolate)

Mix together.

Drop into rounded balls of dough on cookie sheet. 

(MAKE SURE TO SPRAY the pan- or use parchment paper- they stick easily!)

Cook at 350 degrees for about 8 minutes. 

*You almost want them to look NOT DONE. They will be very pink and VERY soft but on the cooling rack will toughen up.

I have used this same recipe multiple times with different kinds of cake mix!

My other favorite combo is Funfetti Cake mix with white chocolate chips and sprinkles.

However, strawberry is a necessity this week to celebrate the season!

Happy love week!

Especially grateful for my two darling valentines!

I apologize I fell off the face of the earth (literally) for a few weeks, (ok maybe a month)

But, I have good reason. We will talk about it later.

I have said this, and I will probably say it 101 more times.

I am pretty sure I will make my child use baby lotion until he is 15 years old.

Bath time is the best time of the day for multiple reasons.

Bath time means daddy's home.

It means baby's happy.

It means dinner's made.

It means house is semi clean.

It means putting my child in a 4 inch tall mohawk.

And it means one clean, perfect, squeezable baby.

Oh the love.

I'm pretty excited to be back and rolling again,

I have missed it.

and I'm LOVING my new blog design by the darling Jessica Eraso!

xoxo