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Mr. and Mrs. Powell
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#1. Mangos.
The other day I told Aaron I wanted to plant a mango tree in our back yard when we buy a house.
He laughed pretty hard but I was only half kidding.
I spent 30 minutes on google looking up how to care for a mango tree. Pretty sure mine would die, but it's a fun dream to have.


Until my dream of a mango tree in my back yard comes true, my weekly yogurt runs and grocery store mangos will do.

#2. Family & Friends.
I have the best family and friends. How can this not make your day! Seriously. (and for all you I don't know as well, your sweet messages have been such a strength to me!) Thank you thank you thank you.



#3. Naked babies.
So it's 9:00 AM. Ryan was still sleeping. NEVER HAPPENS. So I went to check on him to see if he was ok. Found him completely naked. What the heck. I didn't even know he knew how to take his clothes off! (like onesie, PJ's, diaper, everything was thrown on the floor off his crib) That had to have taken him hours. No wonder he was still sleeping. I took a quick crappy phone picture in the dark trying not to wake him up but I was dying laughing!



#4. Moms.
My sweet mother in law for taking over these last few weeks and of course my sweet mamma.
Apparently my body didn't respond well to my surgery and I ended up being hooked to IV's the ER. My poor husband handled it worse than I did. Long story short, I'm alive, and my mom caught the first plane to Houston and was here for 5 days. I was in heaven! She left yesterday and we miss her already!


#5. Vitamin D
Is good for the soul. Talk about the prettiest day ever today. See his little tooth. I'm so proud. Finally decided to show up about 2 months ago. He actually has 3 teeth and a 4th is coming in. 2 popped in up top but you can't see them here. Slowest teether ever and I'm already missing that gummy smile.


#6. My baby
I am loving the fact that he is obsessed with Lion King. Because give me anything Disney and I will love you for life! He has to say every sound each animal makes as they show up on TV. Combine Lion King with Dum dums and you have one good afternoon.


Happy Weekend!
Everyone better enjoy an ice cream cone and a piece of pizza for me.:)

PS. After whats felt like a really really long recovery, my doctor told me, I can finally start slowly jogging again, and I'm so happy I could cry!
Fit Friday posts will come soon.:)
xoxo
As I have been "laying low" letting my body recover from the surgery these last few days 
(which by the way, is killing me- I would so much rather be up and running around)
I have had a lot of time to just "think."
Too much time:)

I have no idea why this came to my mind, but I keep having flash backs of being in AP Psychology in my senior year of high school talking about the "grieving process" through a loss, or any situation.

I still remember my dad and I's mnemonic we made up to help me remember the 5 steps for my test.
Who knew good old Psych would stay with me through the years.

I know I am the farthest thing from alone in this. 
Everyone has their own individual experiences of loss and trial.
And it just breaks my heart. 
With my individual experience, I hurt for every other women out there this week who have had to experience trial with having children, or losing a child.

I really think the hardest part of loss is the emotional part.

Your body will recover physically and life will go on, but it is the emotional pain that seems to linger.

With these 5 steps, I have learned that each stage comes with time.
However it's important that you let your body "emotionally" move on to each stage.
It will do no good to get stuck in a phase for too long.:) 


#1. Denial and Isolation.
Completely true. (people who make up this stuff actually know what they are talking about :)
That first initial feeling after the doctor was struggling to find the heartbeat was denial.
I kept thinking to myself 
"It will be there when we go in for the ultrasound. Her little tool is just not working, everything's fine"

Even though maybe deep down I knew something was wrong.

 Isolation: Knowing my sweet baby was gone, but wanting to crawl into a ball.
Hating the fact that the world knew we were expecting.
Just wanting everything to go away.


#2. Anger.
I have to say, that through this whole situation I have only felt anger ONCE.
And it lasted about 20 seconds.
I called to schedule my "D&C" surgery.
The nurse on the other line (who didn't know who I was) responded with 
"we don't do exterminations in this office"
I was so confused and I was silent for a minute. Wait What?

 Finally it hit me. She thought I was calling to have an abortion.
How could she think that!?
That hurt. That hurt so bad. I wanted every piece of this baby and I had just lost it.
I was so angry, angry at her for not being sensitive to the situation.
I started to cry, and I told her I had just lost my baby, then she felt terrible and that 20 seconds of anger faded, and sadness filled my heart.



#3. Bargaining
Feeling helpless.
Feeling no control over the situation.



#4. Depression
Depression isn't quite the word I would use.
Just more "sadness" or "hurt"

The pain is there.
I wish so bad it wasn't but it's there. And it hurts.
I felt myself hurting for not just me but anyone who ever has to experience the pain of losing a child or a loved one.

It hurts to be happy when you feel so sad.

But remember it's OK to feel sad.
It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel hurt.

However, I found myself just wanting to curl up and stay in stage 4 for a few weeks.
Then I looked at my sweet baby. And my sweet husband who has been my absolute rock.


I looked into his eyes, and my heart smiled.
He needs me.
My husband needs me.
They need me to smile every day.
They need me to be there for them 100%.

All of the sudden I felt myself trying to pull away from that "stage 4".
Not because I have moved on, and not because it doesn't hurt anymore, but because I tried to look at situation in a new light.



#5. Acceptance
I would not use the word acceptance.
"Acceptance" to me sounds like you just accept the fact and move on.
It's a little harsh.
Especially when every situation is so sensitive in their own way.

I look at it more of an "understanding".
An understanding that it's going to be ok
An understanding that everything happens for it's reason.
That this, THIS, is part of a bigger plan.
An understanding that sometimes you have to feel the hurt and the pain, 
to reap the full happiness life has to offer.


The key is finding something to smile about. 
Every. day.

I am convinced the first time you hear your baby's heartbeat it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Aaron and I went in at 9 weeks to hear it for the first time.
We videoed it and I can't tell you how many times we have watched it.
It made my heart happy to hear it every day.
I told Aaron I wanted to document every little piece of this pregnancy, just like we did with Ryan.

 I went in for a normal check up appointment at 13 weeks.
Everything seemed completely normal,
until the doctor tried to find the baby's heartbeat.

It wasn't there.

She took me in for an emergency ultrasound and that's when I knew,
something wasn't right.

Our sweet child laid there, motionless.
My heart stopped.
It's a picture I wish I could just wash from my brain.
WHY!?  I couldn't understand.

My heart started to ache. Really bad.

After measuring the baby she predicted the heart beat hadn't been gone for longer than a few days.
That made it hurt even worse.

I felt myself not able to hold anything back anymore.
Tears started to flow.
My body started to shake.

For the past 3 months I had grown attached to this sweet child and it was gone.
There was nothing I could do to bring this sweet baby back.
There was nothing I could have done to prevent it from passing.
I felt so helpless.

It was like a nightmare that I just couldn't wake up from.
I kept closing my eyes thinking I would wake up from a really bad dream.

All I wanted was my sweet husband.
I just wanted to jump in his arms.
I just wanted to hold my sweet little boy.
I just wanted it to all go away.

She left the room and my shaking fingers attempted to call my husband.

That was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make.

I could barely get the words out, and
when he finally understood what I was trying to tell him,
Silence was on the other line.

I could hear him crying,
I could hear the hurt in his voice.
But he knew I needed him to be strong.
He knew I needed him to say it was going to be ok.

I wanted to crawl into a little ball and I wanted it to go away.
I wish no one knew we were pregnant, 
I didn't want to have to explain it to anyone.
It just hurt inside.

As soon as I got back to my car, I said a prayer through the tears.
I let everything out.
In that moment, I felt so much love, I felt God's warm embrace.
I felt comfort.

It was like someone whispered to me saying, "it's going to be ok".

That night Aaron and I held each other tight.
We held Ryan tight.
Life is so precious.

The hardest part was knowing the baby was still inside of me.
I could feel my little bump.
And it still felt so real.

Finally the surgery day came.
Once the surgery was over and they had removed the baby,
I felt like I could start to heal emotionally.

In the days since we have found out, and in the days to come, we have had to endure solely on faith.
Faith in God.
Faith that everything would be ok.

It is so comforting to know that everything happens according to God's plan.
Even though it hurts, trials in life are only to make us stronger.
There is a reason for everything.


One day it will all make sense. One day we will understand the "why".

As this is a very sensitive time for my little family, we feel so blessed to have so much love and support from family, friends and also from those we don't know as well.
 Each of you have been such a strength to us.
 We are so overwhelmed with love.
Thank you. Thank you.
xoxo
To announce that our family will be growing by 2 little feet!!!
Soon to be sharing the hugs, the loves, and the balloon,
Baby #2 is on its way!!

Instagram

Yes. It's so true. #2 is coming!!
Ryan is moving up to "BB" (big brother) status and he doesn't even know what is going to hit him!
Ha he is in for ONE big surprise!
The king will have to share his throne!

But we are seriously so excited I could cry all over again.

We found out I was pregnant around Christmas time when I was about 5 weeks along.
I was feeling a little off (nauseous while running, tired, etc.) and decided why not take a test?!
My cycle isn't always that regular so when I missed my period, I didn't think too much of it.
My husband ended up buying me 3 tests and I took all of them haha.
(can you ever just take one test and trust it? I'm in denial that's possible)

If you followed my first pregnancy, Yes, I was totally the one that said 
"Remind me to never be 9 months pregnant in Houston summer again",
Well... here I am. Ready to take the heat baby!
Due in August in the 210 degree humid summer.:)
 Talk about living by the pool.

Fun fact: I am due THE exact original day Ryan was due.
Seriously crazy and a little weird ha
Here's to hoping this babe doesn't come on Ryan's second birthday.
With our luck, it totally will, you just watch.

Onto the more sensitive side of pregnancy.
This pregnancy hit pretty hard and completely wiped me out of commission.
However, I am finally leaving the house a few times a week and starting to feel much much better.

I am 12 weeks, getting out of that nasty first trimester so we are happy campers over here!
The kitchen is finally my friend again and I have eaten cookies every night this week.
Awesome.
And for V-Day tonight my husband told me he would take me out wherever I wanted and buy the whole menu.
I think he is liking my appetite being back ha.

Ryan and I have mastered games and things to do in our bed, while "mommy lays down".
He has been such a little trooper and my husband has been the absolute best.

We told Ryan I was pregnant the day we found out. (like he's going to tell anyone ha)
But we have engrained it into his head so now he will point to my tummy and say "baybee", even if I don't quite have a bump yet haha it will pop sooner or later.
It's the cutest thing.

My husband is 100 percent convinced it's a girl. (maybe because he really wants a girl ha)
I thought Ryan was a girl, ha so I'm a terrible judge, I'm not convinced either way.
This pregnancy has been a lot harder than the last, as far as losing my food ha but who knows if that means anything.
Just a happy healthy baby and I'm good to go!
You know us though, we will find out the gender the second we can:)

I cannot wait to track my pregnancy, workouts, etc. and compare it all to the first.
We are so happy.
Baby #2 we can't wait to meet you!!!!
PS Thanks to everyone for being so excited for us. It makes me so happy. You guys are the sweetest, We seriously feel so blessed!


PSS Happy LOVE DAY!!!
I love today.
Just making Ryan's first Valentines to deliver to his friends. I'm dying!
xoxo
So I'm convinced Holidays are just a really good excuse to make treats.... Every day.
I love the smell of fresh baked cookies.
((Especially cake batter tasting ones))
I'll be honest, sometimes I make cookies just for the batter. 
But today I actually ate the finished product they were so good.

They took about 5 minutes to throw together and 8 minutes to cook in the oven.
It was scary how easy they were.

I had to justify having "dessert" on a Monday. 
(ha usually I am trying to recover from the weekend, and do "no dessert Monday".)
But Pinterest kills me. 
My mouth was salivating when I saw these and I just couldn't resist. 
My justification was substituting applesauce for oil!
Surprisingly they were totally moist and mouth watering.
(I have tried half oil and half applesauce in the past and that works out wonderfully!)


I originally found the recipe HERE but kinda switched a couple things.

1 Box Strawberry Cake Mix
1 Teaspoon Baking Powder
 2 Eggs
1/3 cup Vegetable oil *(I used applesauce)
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 and 1/4 cup chocolate chips *(I used white chocolate)


Mix together.
Drop into rounded balls of dough on cookie sheet. 
(MAKE SURE TO SPRAY the pan- or use parchment paper- they stick easily!)

Cook at 350 degrees for about 8 minutes. 
*You almost want them to look NOT DONE. They will be very pink and VERY soft but on the cooling rack will toughen up.


I have used this same recipe multiple times with different kinds of cake mix!
My other favorite combo is Funfetti Cake mix with white chocolate chips and sprinkles.
However, strawberry is a necessity this week to celebrate the season!

Happy love week!
Especially grateful for my two darling valentines!

I apologize I fell off the face of the earth (literally) for a few weeks, (ok maybe a month)
But, I have good reason. We will talk about it later.

I have said this, and I will probably say it 101 more times.
I am pretty sure I will make my child use baby lotion until he is 15 years old.

Bath time is the best time of the day for multiple reasons.
Bath time means daddy's home.
It means baby's happy.
It means dinner's made.
It means house is semi clean.
It means putting my child in a 4 inch tall mohawk.
And it means one clean, perfect, squeezable baby.



After we get all lotioned up,
 and get a diaper on to dodge the "pee" train,
Ryan's buddy's join in.


This is probably 1/50 th of them. He has so many.


Check out that hair!
Multiple kisses are given.
(by the way, my poor baby got my jeans for sensitive skin. He has had so many eczema issues, (hence the medicine on his arm) been to dermatologists, etc. SO please message me if you mom's have any of the same issues, I have finally found what keeps his skin soft and free from rashes!)


Oh the love.
I'm pretty excited to be back and rolling again,
I have missed it.
and I'm LOVING my new blog design by the darling Jessica Eraso!

xoxo
JANUARY
Took Ryan on his first Disney Cruise with my family.
Dressed up like as his first Pirate!.

and met the new love of his life. Minnie Mouse.


 FEBURARY 
  • Wrote my very first FIT FRIDAY post on my favorite sweet satisfier!
  • Ryan's first Valentines Day.
  • Fit Friday: 5 BASIC TIPS FOR DIETING
  • Wrote The Baby Belly verses the Food Belly -my perspective on how I ate healthy while I was pregnant.


MARCH
  • Fit Friday: 5 MEALS A DAY
  • Baby's FIRST RODEO
  • Fit Friday: WORKING OUT WHILE PREGNANT
  • Fit Friday: SETTING DAILY AND WEEKLY GOALS
  • Fit Friday: THE SUPERFOOD I CANT LIVE WITHOUT

 APRIL 
  • 7.6 MONTHS OF MOTHERHOOD
  • My family comes to Houston and we take Ryan to SEAWORLD
  • Ryan is 8 MONTHS OLD!
  • Fit Friday: TIPS FOR MAKING EATING OUT HEALTHIER

 MAY 

  • Baby gets his first CAR
  • My FIRST MOTHER'S DAY
  • BABY GOES EUROPE!

JUNE



  • Spent 2 WEEKS traveling Europe with my inlaws
  • TRIP TIPS FOR FLYING WITH INFANTS 
  • UTAH for my cousin's wedding.

JULY 

  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!  
  • Aaron turns 27!!!
  • Ryan is 11 Months!!
  • Utah for my brother's mission HOMECOMING

 AUGUST
  • RYAN TURNS 1!!!!!!
  • SPOT becomes part of the fam.




SEPTEMBER
  • UTAH weekend for the craziest football game of my life.
  • Fit Friday: A REALLY GOOD BICEP WORKOUT
  • Last time BREASTFEEDING :( (my thoughts on the breastfeeding experience)
  • LABOR DAY




OCTOBER
  • Ryan is PUPPY FOR HALLOWEEN
  • Fit Friday: CHOOSING YOUR OWN HAPPINESS
  • 14 MONTHS
  • ST GEORGE  with my family
  • BYU GAME






 NOVEMBER
  • Fit Friday: MY MOST FAVORITE HEALTHY PIZZA DOUGH
  • THANKSGIVING IN UTAH / I turn 23!

DECEMBER

  • HE FINALLY WALKS
  • Fit Friday: TREADMILL TIPS
  • DECEMBER in a Nutshell
  • CHRISTMAS IN TEXAS, NEW YEARS in Utah
2013 stole my heart.
I'm convinced it was perfect, through all it's imperfections.

2013- Thanks for all the lessons you taught me, for the love you showed me and the challenges that you gave me to make me stronger.
I loved you!

Here's to setting new goals, and making 2014 the best year yet.
2014, we are SO excited for you.
 I hope everyone had the most wonderful holiday season!
Seriously trying to fight these "post Christmas blues" over here! 

We have been out of town so I apologize this Christmas post is a little late!

Quick update on our holiday in a nutshell.
#1. The Santa scream.
Ryan did this all too well.
He was not happy to see that jolly old man.

#2. We spent Christmas with my wonderful in-laws and stayed a few nights at their place,
ate lots of goodies, watched like 10 Christmas movies and loved every second.
It was perfect and they are seriously the sweetest.
In case you are wondering if Spot came too, he did.

#3. Christmas Eve jammies for the win!
We were in heaven watching the excitement.

#4. Ryan tried to sneak Santa's cookies.
Santa came Christmas morning and spoiled us all.
(pictures to come, they are all on my mother-in-laws camera)
Ryan was in heaven with all his new toys.

#5. 2 days after Christmas we bundled up and headed to the beautiful snowy mountains in Utah to see my family!

#5. Don't mind me over here taking "Nikon School" online.
I'm pretty dang excited about one of my Christmas presents. Thanks mom and dad!

#6. We went to the Jazz game with my family,
and it was all smiles until the Jazz Bear took Ryan away from me during the game.
He was not a happy camper. Poor baby.


#7. Sooo when we went to the BYU game a few nights later and the BYU mascot tried to take Ryan,
He knew to turn away from that one and not leave my dad.

#7. My darling grandma gave Ryan his very first hair cut.
I may have shed a tear or two!
Basically just cut off the mullet and I'm still having a hard time looking at the back of his head and seeing such a little toddler and not a baby!

#7. Seriously?
He can't be old enough for this.
His first suitcase and I am dying. 
You should have seen him walking through the airport with this thing.

Happiest Christmas yet.
 Holidays are even better than you imagined with kids. 
Love this little love boat of mine and sweetest husband and so excited to see what this next year brings.
Happy New Year Everyone! xoxo
(and I am officially back for good:)
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Hello!! We are the Powell family - Aaron, Karina, Ryan, and Luke; but let's be honest, you will mostly just hear from me. We are lovers of all things fitness, traveling, and thin crust pizza. You can read more about us here.

@kmpowell

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