Sometimes life really hurts.

I am convinced the first time you hear your baby's heartbeat it is one of the best feelings in the world.
Aaron and I went in at 9 weeks to hear it for the first time.
We videoed it and I can't tell you how many times we have watched it.
It made my heart happy to hear it every day.
I told Aaron I wanted to document every little piece of this pregnancy, just like we did with Ryan.

 I went in for a normal check up appointment at 13 weeks.
Everything seemed completely normal,
until the doctor tried to find the baby's heartbeat.

It wasn't there.

She took me in for an emergency ultrasound and that's when I knew,
something wasn't right.

Our sweet child laid there, motionless.
My heart stopped.
It's a picture I wish I could just wash from my brain.
WHY!?  I couldn't understand.

My heart started to ache. Really bad.

After measuring the baby she predicted the heart beat hadn't been gone for longer than a few days.
That made it hurt even worse.

I felt myself not able to hold anything back anymore.
Tears started to flow.
My body started to shake.

For the past 3 months I had grown attached to this sweet child and it was gone.
There was nothing I could do to bring this sweet baby back.
There was nothing I could have done to prevent it from passing.
I felt so helpless.

It was like a nightmare that I just couldn't wake up from.
I kept closing my eyes thinking I would wake up from a really bad dream.

All I wanted was my sweet husband.
I just wanted to jump in his arms.
I just wanted to hold my sweet little boy.
I just wanted it to all go away.

She left the room and my shaking fingers attempted to call my husband.

That was the hardest phone call I have ever had to make.

I could barely get the words out, and
when he finally understood what I was trying to tell him,
Silence was on the other line.

I could hear him crying,
I could hear the hurt in his voice.
But he knew I needed him to be strong.
He knew I needed him to say it was going to be ok.

I wanted to crawl into a little ball and I wanted it to go away.
I wish no one knew we were pregnant, 
I didn't want to have to explain it to anyone.
It just hurt inside.

As soon as I got back to my car, I said a prayer through the tears.
I let everything out.
In that moment, I felt so much love, I felt God's warm embrace.
I felt comfort.

It was like someone whispered to me saying, "it's going to be ok".

That night Aaron and I held each other tight.
We held Ryan tight.
Life is so precious.

The hardest part was knowing the baby was still inside of me.
I could feel my little bump.
And it still felt so real.

Finally the surgery day came.
Once the surgery was over and they had removed the baby,
I felt like I could start to heal emotionally.

In the days since we have found out, and in the days to come, we have had to endure solely on faith.
Faith in God.
Faith that everything would be ok.

It is so comforting to know that everything happens according to God's plan.
Even though it hurts, trials in life are only to make us stronger.
There is a reason for everything.

One day it will all make sense. One day we will understand the "why".

As this is a very sensitive time for my little family, we feel so blessed to have so much love and support from family, friends and also from those we don't know as well.
 Each of you have been such a strength to us.
 We are so overwhelmed with love.
Thank you. Thank you.

Karina Marie Powell


  1. I'm so so sorry sweet Karina. Sending big hugs and lots of love your way.

  2. Wow this made me cry. Im so sorry karina. You are so strong! Love you and praying for you

  3. So sorry for your loss! Like you felt...everything will be okay :) Sending prayers your way...stay strong!

  4. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I can't imagine.

  5. This made me almost start crying at work :( You are such a sweet family, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. God bless you and your family!!

  6. Lots of prayers are being headed your way, Karina!

  7. Karina, I know we don't know each other too well (only in passing in Highschool and in our Alpine stake)...I do want you to know that my heart aches for you and your sweet family. I want to say I know how you feel, because I too had a miscarriage, with twins at 14 weeks. Every experience like these are so unique and sensitive, and no one's is exactly the same, but if there is something I do know, is that though our experiences are different, we have the same master Healer. And just as you have felt His hand during this tough time, he will continue to bless you and comfort you. I will keep you in my prayers beautiful girl!

  8. I am so sorry! Praying for you and your family! xoxo

  9. My heart aches for you. I hope you find comfort and healing in the arms of your loving boys, and feel the support and prayers from afar. I so deeply sorry for your loss. xx

  10. So very sorry for you and your family. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  11. I am so sorry! You are so strong and I know you and your family will get through this hard time. Love you so so so much!

  12. Karina I'm so sorry. That just breaks my heart. Sending you love and prayers your way!

  13. Dear Karina,

    I have been following your cute little family for a while now and love reading your posts. I am so sorry to hear the news, my heart aches for you. When my mother lost my younger sister when I was growing up, it shook the family. But we know that God has a reason for everything and He can get us through any hardship. Prayers are being sent your way.

    Love from California,

  14. I am so sorry! Lots of prayers being sent to you!

  15. God gives you these trials & tribulations for a reason. Cherish the time you had & know you have a sweet angel watching over you all!

  16. I'm so sorry for your loss and send you much love.
    Its not fair but God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and you will come through this.

  17. This breaks my heart- I am so sorry for your loss! Praying for you & your precious family - that God would give you comfort & strength during this difficult time!

  18. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You don't know me but I follow you're cute blog and love hearing the fun things you and your family do. I just experienced a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. So I know that no amount of comparing will make anything any better. But I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
    One bit of comfort I can try to give is for you to give yourself LOTS of time! Even when you feel that ample time has passed, and others seem to forget how much pain you still feel, it's okay to hurt. My husband was my rock! And it seems that yours will be the same for you. The Lord knows how to bless us with exactly what we need.


  19. I'm typing this with tears in my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm always here if you need anything. Love you! Xo.

  20. Awww, my heart aches for you! Not hearing that precious heartbeat has always been one of my biggest fears. Thank goodness for the peace of the gospel! Many prayers for you and your cute family.

  21. I am so sorry for you dear! I am thinking of you guys.

  22. My sweet friend thank you for sharing this private painful experience. Your faith is beautiful and inspiring. Love you girl.

  23. Ever since I saw this on instagram today it's all I've thought about...I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you and your family are going through, but know that you're in our thoughts and prayers. Please rest and take it easy for as long as you need to. Your outlook truly is inspiring.

  24. Again Karina, I admire your courage to share your experience because it was posts like this one that gave me the strength and courage to heal the loss of my own baby boy. May the Savior embrace you and your sweet family tonight. Sending love your way.


  25. My most sincere condolences to you and your family. I know what you are going through and it's gut wrenching. You have an angel watching over you and you will come out stronger on the other side. Sending many prayers of strength, peace and healing your way!

  26. This is beautifully written. I'm sorry for your loss, Karina. You are so very right, everything happens for a reason and you will one day understand the "why." Until then, remain are SO strong, stronger than you know and your words have touched many. Prayers going out for an infinite amount of good things to come your way. :) XO

  27. I am so sorry about your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through but your guys strength and faith is really amazing.

  28. I've never commented on your blog before, but I have to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog is such a happy place and it's obvious how positive you are and full of life. I hope that you are able to feel Heavenly Father's love and comfort at this time. xoxo

  29. I'm so sorry to hear this. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Prayers!

  30. Karina, I am so so sorry. This is a pain that nobody should ever have to feel. As someone who has been through this, I know that no amount of words will provide the comfort you need, but know that we are all here for you. You are so strong mama. I will be thinking and praying for you guys.

  31. Thinking of you and your family. This brought me to tears. Heaven gained a new angel that will watch over you and your family.

  32. I'm so sorry Karina. I am a new follower to your blog {I love it!!} and have been so impressed with the strength you and your family have. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

  33. Mama I teared up reading this. I saw it on IG and FB but I wanted to say again how very sorry I am for your loss. Like you said, one day you will know why. Stay strong! :)

  34. I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say in a difficult time like this. Sending prayers and warm hugs to you and your family.

  35. My heart breaks for you. I know your pain all too husband and I suffered a miscarriage about 10 months ago. There are no words, just know your hurt is shared. Sending prayers your way.

  36. I have been an avid follower of your blog since I got pregnant and I wanted to model my pregnancy after your first one (you know- to be fit and stuff!) I know this may not mean much seeing as you have no idea who I am.. but my heart aches for you! I hope you are able to find comfort in the Atonement of Christ. He suffered for this- so He knows exactly how you feel.
    Prayers for you and your little family.

  37. Hi Karina... I am very new to your blog. This is the first post I read and my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry and send my positive thoughts, love, and strength to you and your beautiful family. I am a new mom to our 15 month old (if that is considered "new" still) and I understand the love that is felt so early on even in pregnancy. I am so sorry again .


    The McGuire Family

  38. Karina,

    I read your blog every day and think your little family is beautiful. Your sense of humor, positive outlook on life, and helpful fitness tips are some of my favorite things about your fantastic blog. I was absolutely devastated to read your post today. I want you to know that you and Aaron and sweet little Ryan are in my prayers. I hope you can all feel God's love and concern. My little brother passed away when he was 32 hours old and it comforts me to have the knowledge of eternal families. I am so grateful you share this knowledge. It may sound weird because we have never even met, but I love you.

    Please know I'm thinking of you.

    Love, Chantelle Steadman

  39. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my prayers.


  40. Karina,

    I've followed your blog for a while, but never posted. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby, and I pray that you will find comfort and peace even on the hardest days. Just wanted to let you know that you have people praying for you all the way from St. Louis, MO.


  41. This story was really close to my heart because it's exactly the same way I lost my baby at 13 weeks. We had seen and recorded the baby at 9 weeks and he looked perfect..but at 13 weeks he no longer had a heartbeat. Talk about a major blow to the heart! I know what you mean about the time between knowing the baby had passed & the d&c being really hard, it's so painful knowing you have a non-living little baby still inside you :( I was so ready for the d&c so I could just move on but it was so hard. We decided to wait 4 months and luckily we got pregnant right away and everything has gone well with this pregnancy..but I will never look at pregnancy the same. I literally held my breath until we hit about 16 weeks, and even at 24 weeks I still worry sometimes. Fear is so consuming after going through a miscarriage, but all we can do is rely on our Heavenly Father and trust in his plan. Thinking of you! XOO

  42. I'm so sorry for your & your family will be in my prayers. xoxo

  43. I am so very sorry for your loss. Faith and love will help you get through the this difficult time. Take the time to heal. xx

  44. Karina, I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your baby. How brave and strong of you to share with us. Continue loving and trusting in God and may He help you heal. I'm sending prayers for you and your family from California.

  45. I found your blog on Pinterest when I found out I was pregnant in December. February 18th, my husband and I went in for our first ultra sound at 11 weeks. No heart beat. We were devastated. Aside from faith in God and believing He has a plan for me, I have found that reading stories of women who have had similar experiences is helpful. It is comforting to know I am not alone. Thanks for having the strength to share your story and how you are getting through this time of sadness.

  46. Sweet Karina, I know we don't know one another, but my heart aches for you. Sending love, prayers, and hugs your way.

  47. Karina,
    I just found your blog last night. Reading your story and your hardship borough back a flood of memories for me. I have had two pregnancy end in a similar way, one at 13 weeks and the other at 7. I know I felt so empty and dishearted for a while. But the pain does go away eventually, after some time. If you ever want to talk about it let me know. My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you.

  48. How did I miss this post? This is what I was just talking to you about. You are amazing. Strong, positive, faithful. Thanks for sharing your words. I love you.

  49. I am so sad reading this post sweet girl, but I am also in awe of your strength and faith. I am so sorry for your loss and your sweet baby in Heaven - you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you are blessed with another babe soon x

  50. You are amazing.. I am so glad I found your blog! I'm happy for you now and that everything goes well this time!