Ok, so I totally did not prepare myself for this topic.
If I was asked while I was pregnant if I was going to nurse my baby, the question was a no brainer...
"Of Course!"
I knew it was the healthy route, the cheapest route (hello students) 
and lets be honest, the route that burned 500 calories a day ha so I jumped on board "in my mind."
Little did I know what was to come.

**Now I realize every body is different and this may be a sensitive topic.
I know my mom nursed each child to a different stage depending on her body and the baby.
Some moms don't produce enough milk and some moms are not able to breastfeed for other various reasons.
But I believe whatever you decide to do is best for you and your baby.**

I however, produced enough milk to feed an army.
(you think I'm kidding)

I think breastfeeding is probably the best kept secret of pain.
Yes you prepare for the birth, the nursery, all the fun baby accessories but did anyone prepare you for nursing??

I remember that first week after he was born.
I was engorged and in tears night after night.
My poor husband had no idea what was going on. ha
 I had no idea it would hurt like that! WHO KNEW!?
All of the sudden I found myself not wanting to do it and thinking,
"A bottle of formula would be so much easier".
Luckily my mom was staying with us for the week and she kept saying it would be worth it.

And let me tell you.
*It was.

After 1 year and 3 weeks of nursing, we decided to pull the plug tonight.:(

Ok, so I totally felt like a cow sometimes. (okay scratch that, a lot of the time)
I remember calling my mom in tears (I think lots of tears were shed over nursing haha) and saying, 
"Mom all I do is feed him! Is this my only purpose in life!?" hahaha

But looking back it was some of the sweetest and most tender experiences of my life.

I am so attached to that little boy.
and I think his daddy would tell you he is all "Mamma's boy". (maybe too attached?)
No way did I ever think he OR I would make it a year,
but now that we have, I'm pretty emotional it's over!

He is officially out of the baby stage.
Even though he will always be "my baby."

So yes, breastfeeding is hard.
Really hard.
It's no fun sometimes, and sometimes it makes you want to go crazy in those early stages,
when your baby wont latch, or has a hard time catching on to it.
But if you are ABLE to, stick with it.

It is so worth it.

I wouldn't trade those nights for anything.

I will miss him eating and stopping, then looking up at me and smiling, and then back to eating.
My heart melted every single time.
(I have been down to only feeding him 2 times a day ((morning and night)) and weening slowly 5 minutes to 4 to 3 to 2 etc..)
Tonight he looked up at me when he was done and said "Mommy" and smiled.
It was just the cherry on top.:)

I'm so lucky to be your mommy.
Thanks for sticking with it with me little one!


Karina Marie Powell


  1. Even though I did not stick with breastfeeding, I can agree it is so hard emotionally and physically. I wish doctors would prepare women more for how hard it can be. But that is awesome you guys did it for a year, that is def something to be proud of!

  2. So sweet!!! Would you mind sharing how the weening process went/was? About to start the process myself...

    1. Hi sweet girl! Yes of course. We are actually still working on weening the morning one. I will explain! xo

  3. Beautiful and honest post.
    I did a lot of research prior but we had a relatively easy bf journey and I treasure those moments where they look up you like 'hi mummy, where did you come from?' with a special little smile. We are at 14 months and I'm trying to wean the last feed - nighttime/overnight - but its proving to be difficult with a stubborn bebe :) x

  4. you are SO lucky ryan lasted this long! gavin lost interest at 8 months - so i pumped for a couple more and then stopped. i had a hard time with it - but gavin was all about the bottles! he also wasn't gaining very much weight from my milk so the formula helped with that too!
    i promise that he will still love you just as much and you will still be bonding :) it feels like you won't - but you do!!!


    1. 8 months is awesome girl! Seriously awesome. My mom said she nursed every child differently for that exact reason. See Ryan won't take a bottle to save his life! you are lucky girl! And thank you! I'm glad that "bond" keeps going. Little boys are the best! xo

  5. I love this post because I experienced the EXACT same thing!! I even blogged about it a few weeks ago: (Feel free to check out my post if you would like!) Breastfeeding was wayyy harder than I was expecting it to be, but it has also been so rewarding and I'm so happy that I didn't give up when I really wanted to! My daughter is now 13 months and we are still going strong (3 times a day). I know she will wean soon, she's starting to nurse for shorter and shorter periods of time each nurse session, but I'm just not ready to stop yet!! I'm also nervous about the weaning process. I was like you in that I produced a LOT of milk and had a lot of engorgement those first few weeks, so I'm slightly afraid of the engorgement and pain that may happen when I stop! :-/

    1. Ok, so your blog is absolutely darling! Your little girl is beautiful! Thank you for sharing! I loved your post. So relatable! I was so nervous for weaning, and it takes time but your supply will soon go down. ha I didn't think mine ever would! OUCH!:) xoxo

  6. Does R still wake up in the night? I'm planning to give up bf too (I only ever wanted to do it for a year) but I'm worried about settling her at night. I think she would be okay missing the day time feeds but it's such a quick way to get her back to sleep at night. I guess you just have to train them to go back to sleep on their own?

    Anyway, would love to hear how you get on :)

    1. I sweet girl! No, Ryan sleeps through the night, because I was worried about the same thing in the early stages, "how am I going to get off feeding if he isn't sleeping through the night!?" But I wonder if you could warm a bottle of milk when she turns one and try just cows milk?? We also did the cry it out thing with Ryan when he was younger:( And it's really sad but after a few nights he got the hang of it and never woke up again at night! Email me if you have more questions about it. I would love to help! xoxo

  7. Your such a good mommy. I only lasted nine months due to over supply so much I was donating and had months frozen! It got too difficult and painful. The beauty if it is that our boys will live us regardless, mommies boys;) prayers sent your way!

    1. Aww You are a sweetheart! Wow you go girl! You should be so proud you were able to donate so much. I know the painful feeling so I feel for you! Thank you for your kind words! xoxo

  8. Cheers to you for sticking to it! I too had a very hard beginning and actually gave up the day before my mom came to visit and started pumping. Mom showed up (avid breastfeeder) and took charge, had to me to a lactation consultant and we started to figure it out. It only took 3 GRUELING months of breastfeeding to finally figure it out and now that we have I would not trade it for the world... I remember telling Derek, if I make it to 6 months she will be one lucky baby and now I know making it to a year will be a breeze (at least I hope so) I cant believe he is already that old and we haven't met him yet! I can't wait until we get to!!! Now that we are in Texas hopefully we can get together sooner than later!!!

  9. A very honest post! Breasftfeeding is amazing but it is hard in many respects. Little Alex weaned himself at 13 months, and part of me was glad but part of me was super sad I blogged about it too a while ago (, he's 20 months now, and just thinking that soon he'll be 2 gets me sad haha...Way to go for giving Ryan the best nutrition there is, and like many other moms have said you will still bond, in different ways but you will! Hooray for boys!

  10. Congrats on making it past a year! I love hearing success stories! I know I will be sad when we are done too. I have days when I want to be done but then I think about how he won't be little and wanting me forever. The bond it creates between little boy and mom is so precious! I don't think I would feel as close and connected with him if I didn't breastfeed. Also also I think I need that dog from your other post! My son was pointing at the picture and laughing!

  11. I was a lot like you, painful engorgement and oversupply that would feed a village. I finally wen to a lactation consultant who helped me sort it all out. She was sort of my, "OMG this is so hard you're my last hope" move before pulling the plug. I really almost quit - BF'ing is so difficult at first sometimes!

    I'll never forget her answer when I asked why this was so hard and why doesn't anyone tell you about this and her response was that people were meant to live in community and learn from other women. She mentioned women who raise their children in tribes or in community villages in different countries and how they all learn from each other and teach those who are younger and how here in the U.S. we are often more independent and separate from our families outside of our direct family units. Makes sense right? I thought so anyway.

    But back to BF'ing. You're right. If you can stick it out past those really really hard first days and dig deep and find that you can keep going? SO WORTH IT. I don't always love nursing and sometimes I feel like it's literally all I do (growth spurts? Oy.) but it really is a labor of love. The looks I get from my son when he's nursing and how he grips the edge of my shirt or plays with my hair? I would do it over and over again in a heartbeat.

    xo, Grace